A piece about me working out here has appeared in the Dominion Post, a New Zealand newspaper based in Wellington.
The story is great — Paul Mulrooney has done a cracking job of making me sound like a pretty nice chap. There’s a slight problem, however.
The picture shows a rather chilled out fella — me — perched atop a desk in the newsroom, a la Channel 5 News back in the old days. For Brits, it’s a casual pose. Relaxed, natural, welcoming.
But for New Zealanders, to sit upon a surface that could be used for eating can offend. To my shame, a quick bit of research would have enlightened me to such a faux pas. I’ve been aware of my lack of knowledge on Maori culture, and this episode, I feel, has highlighted that further.
Luckily, one of my colleagues here is Maori, and so she gracefully explained the problem. It was nice of her to be able to sympathise with me. After all, how was I to know? It’s no excuse, but I don’t think anyone would assume I was deliberately trying to offend.
Anyway, a quick Google search on the matter produced this from a certain Men Behaving Badly star, Martin Clunes:
Before I came to New Zealand I was ignorant of all things Maori. I learnt a bit about the culture while I was there. For instance you don’t wear your shoes when you are in a Maori marae, you can’t eat, and you can’t sit on a table. I made the mistake of chewing gum and got hit on the nose by a carved head. We were filming a scene where a carved head is being thrown around the marae (meeting place). I had been using a rubber head for rehearsals. I didn’t take in the fact that the rubber head was switched for a wooden one and took it on the conk. It was actually quite painful; you could hear the crack when the carving hit my nose. It cut my nose and made it bleed. But it didn’t stop the filming. The make up designer managed to disguise the injury. Some people said it was punishment for chewing gum in the marae.
So there, happens to the best of us.
If any Kiwis are reading this — and I know some of my new students are — I’d just like to stress, again, that I was unaware my pose was offensive.
Kia ora Dave, I am the (as you know) the colleague aforementioned in the story. Yep, I took those photos of you being photographed (weird I know) by Robert Kitchen of the Dom Post. So ofcourse I saw you perched – with the photographer’s encouragement on the edge of the computer desk. Maori protocol is that we do not sit on tables where people are going to eat a meal. Our class protocol is we do not let anyone eat food in the class room… result no kawa (protocol) being broken. Actually there is something else in play here. You are my manuhiri tuarangi (important visitor from afar) and was(at the time) not aware of our kawa. So no – no offence was committed. It is great having you around – fantastic class involement today – we are very happy to host you short as it will be… tino nui arohai ki a koe – (lots of love to you) na Queenie